Edward, Jacob and Nancy??
I’m currently reading the Twilight series about Edward, a coldly handsome vampire, Jacob the hot muscular werewolf and Bella, the “accident waiting to happen” girl they both love. The main vampire character, Edward, does not drink human blood because he has trained himself to live off the blood of animals. Now, my snarky mind has wondered lately, what if he got a whiff of say Nancy Pelosi? Would his blood lust suddenly change back to humans or would he be so disgusted by her evil perfume that he would run away as fast as his vampire speed could take him?
The monsters in the Twilight series aren’t monsters at all really. They are emotional creatures that only become “monster like” when they are protecting their loved one from the real evil monsters. Why can’t Edward see that Nancy Pelosi is hurting his beloved Bella with her liberal ugliness and the mounting debt that Bella and her generational family must pay for through the rest of eternity?
With every page I read, my thoughts keep hoping that the next page will find Edward flying through the forest looking for his next blood meal and his vampire eyes will notice something out of place in the dark damp forest. He will stop, and look in the direction of his favorite meadow and there Nancy Pelosi will be waiting for him. He will sniff the air and find her odor foul and nasty to his nostrils, he will begin to feel sick and afraid for his eternal life as she parades herself in front of him. He will wish the Volturi; an ancient group of vampires will come to his aide because he would rather die at their hands than face the horrible sight coming his way. Nancy will quickly reach Edward, she will touch him with her wicked hand and his arm will spark with her hot ugly fire. He now knows that his time is short and he screams out “Bella, I love you” hoping that her human heart will know that during his last dying breath, he only thought of her.
Twilight fans all know that vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies but Nancy Pelosi is the devils sister and all good monsters realize that her kind of evil must be stopped. So there in the beautiful meadow, with Edward screaming in unholy pain, a pack of werewolves will emerge from the trees and standing between these gargantuan wolves stands a conservative, a man so tall and powerful that one breath from his mouth could blow Nancy Pelosi back to the devils playpen. He will wave an American flag and repeat over and over again “socialism will not be tolerated in the United States.” “You, Nancy Pelosi are forever barred from congress and for the rest of your eternal evil life these wolves will chase you through the scary forest.” “Run Nancy Pelosi, run!”
My heart is singing with glee at this fairy tale ending. But wait is it just a fairy tale? November is fast approaching and I see a vision within my snarkette mind of Nancy Pelosi running, screaming and wishing that she had been a better House Speaker and all the while the pack of werewolves chase her through eternity! Ha Ha Ha Ha
Now that’s a snarky ending !