The Glide

Several years ago I excitedly purchased the Glide from Verizon. It had a keyboard, was small and easy to carry.  It promised to be the best cell phone ever.  It was also haunted!  This phone came directly from hell via Federal Express into my home and brought with it two years of agony.  My family and friends would call me and this freaky phone would answer itself.  I never heard it ring because the phone wanted the person calling me to hear everything I was saying or doing.  No conversation was safe from this evil phone.   It sat on my desk at work waiting patiently for me to slip up and say something that I shouldn’t.  It would hide in my purse waiting for just the right moment as I would start yelling snarky words at the crazy driver that cut me off.  And while I screamed at the idiot driver, the freaky phone would call someone in my contact list to let them eavesdrop on my craziness.  The only way to get any privacy at home meant that I had to manually shut the damned thing OFF while it charged at night.

This wicked phone didn’t like my soft finger tips touching it.  If I tried to call someone on my contact list it would suddenly turn frigid and not allow me to do anything.  I couldn’t check the internet, email, calendar or play games on it.  It did not like me and I was afraid of it!

Two years is a long time to be on a plan with no available updates to equipment and when you own the devils spawn it’s an eternity.  I set my monthly plan to a minimum amount of minutes trying to avoid using the monster but I like to talk and it knew this about me.  It knew that every day after leaving work I would want to talk to someone.  So, as I settled into my car I would carefully pick it up and try to make a call and it would glare at me with its hellish screen.  I could feel it shutter with laughter as its screen would go blank or it would jokingly allow me to find a contact and then when the time came to hit “call” it would hiss and freeze up and then blow me off.  It knew how to push my buttons with its awful ugliness.  It knew that family and friends were referring to me as “technically challenged” because no one believed me when I told them of its horrors.

I eagerly waited for my two year plan to end, and when that day came I walked into the Verizon store and was suddenly mesmerized by the Droid.  It called my name with its robotic voice……D R O I D!  It urged me to hold it, touch its keyboard and play on the internet.   I was in love.  After arriving home with my new Droid, I went looking for the Glide.  It tried to hide but I was pissed and ready for revenge.  One raise of the big hammer and total annihilation of the Glide was at hand!  Such sweet revenge!

Comments (9)


  1. Kookie says:

    I have Net10 cell phone. NO contracts to deal with, I get a card anywhere from 300 minutes with 60 days service for $30 plus tax. Cards come from 200 to 4000 minutes at W-mart or from Net10 website.

    Every other month $32.77 with tax for the very simple set up.

    Check into the NO monthly contract plan

  2. MOM says:

    Don’t know how you lived with it for 2 yrs. !!!!
    Even the name sound’s evil…G L I DE EEEEEE, having said that, DROID sound’s way too futuristic, and that it could take over your life !!! lol
    Anyway, enjoyed your ” blog ” today as always

  3. anna carriger says:

    I am sure that stephan king would have enjoyed your evil Glide. lol

  4. kinilani says:

    Thanks Anna! It truly is an evil phone!

  5. Wierd Boy says:

    I remember that crazy phone and all the eavesdropping. LMAO! I hope all the bits and pieces were thrown away in seperate trash bins…you never know 😉

  6. kinilani says:

    Hey Weird Boy, that must mean you heard me talking about you to my co-workers! LOL

  7. kinilani says:

    Well Mom, depending on how well the Droid performs over the next two years, it will either get a slightly snarky review from me or it will the snark of death!

  8. kinilani says:

    Okay Kookie you got a better monthly deal than I did but that’s only because I couldn’t resist the DROID even with its pricey monthly plan. BTW does your phone speak to you in a robotic voice? I thought not! LOL

  9. trollbeads says:

    I would like to thank you for the time you put into this post. Your post has me eager to kickoff my own webblog now. Thanks again for putting this online.

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